Tag Archives: fan fiction

Extremely Bad Game of Thrones Fan Fiction

Game of Thrones season 7 is now done and gone, leaving us to wait for the final season to arrive. The wait might be long. Longer than Winter.

All we’re left to do is ponder season 7’s storylines and this interesting finding from the Telegraph that season 7 was the least naked. Only 6 naked people this season–compared to 33 from season 1!

If you haven’t seen all of season 7 yet, you can watch it on HBO Go (if you’re a subscriber), or find it streamed on CouchTuner and its alternative sites.

In the meantime, here is some extremely bad fan fiction about Game of Thrones to keep you occupied. That is, if you dare to read it. It centers on Arya and imagines how things might play out if she, Bran, Sansa and Robb were all reunited.

aryastarkyelling

Arya Strikes Out

It was a dark and snowy night. Arya had been bored, so bored, you wouldn’t believe it.
She had been there together in the room with Bran and Sansa. Normally they could perfectly entertain each other(as they very much did each other the night before), but not this time. And to make matters worse, it was almost impossible to go to town. It was too snowy, too dark.

“Urgh,” said Bran, “I wish King Goffrey would attack. At least we’d have something to do.”

Sansa agreed, “I agree,” she said and started throwing mobile phone at the wall, just to catch it again when it bounced off. “Uuuurgh,” she then said as well, because she agreed with Bran, “Don’t you know anything to do, Arya?”

“Well, I could do you again.” Arya said who felt very lesbian at that moment.
Sansa liked that very much and for a moment, they did each other (under the aproving gaze of Bran who whipped out his Tool and played along on the beat of the others.
But admittedly, that only entertained them for the next three hours. Something else had to be found, Arya knew

Arya’s gaze went down the room, past Crusifix and a stack of anime collections. Then Her eye fell onto a lone empty bottle they had used the evening before.

I know,” said Arya, “How about we play……………spin…the….BOTTLE!”

“What a superb idea”

“Oh year!”

Brienne and Robb also peaked up “Yeaaaah!”

So they all sad down and Arya took the bottle first. Hilariously, it landed on Robb, but Arya thought Robb was quite a bit too creepy and really didn’t want to kiss the man. She hoped the others might have mistook it for landing on Sansa, but judging the howls of laughter and the rising anticrepation in the room, they probably didn’t.

“But but don’t you all see it really landed on Sansa?”

“Laaawl no, u shuld kiss Robb,” said Sansa. The fact that she said it made Arya feel rejected 😦

But then, all the sudden…. King Goffrey attacked!

Arya and her team went carefully through Winterfell. Arya looked very sexy, Her nipples perked, firm and erect. Her leather coat bilbogged in the breeze, extrapolating Her sex mess. “It is time”, She said, Her voice having a British nationality.

“Yes, It is time to defeat King Goffrey once and for all.” said Robb . He wore a Black corset covered in roses and a nice hat. His nails were iridescent black and he had a ruby skull ring on.He looked as hot as a Chilli!

And then they rushed into the base. Brienne roundhouse kicked a mook and then punched one with her glock. It exploded and she held up her middle finger to the explosion. Brienne then used her holy holy magics and summoned a giant bloody cross scythe that glowed black. She sliced everyone but it was okay because she dodged her friend. Blood spurted and went on everything, making a star of david one the walls. A rock bounced off King Goffrey as he entered, LOOKING FUCKING PISSSSED.

“How dared you! I will kill u!!!!!!111!!!” he shoouted and took out a flame thrower (A/N geddit?)

The fight was epic. Things burned black. Brienne and King Goffrey got distracted and started kissing in the corner but then one died.

Arya ejaculated at the King Goffrey, “LOOK BEHIND YOU!”

And then he looked and Arya ripped him in half.

The End

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Extremely Bad Dr. Who Fan Fiction

The world needs a little more Dr. Who fan fiction, even if it’s really bad. Maybe not as bad as 24 fan fiction or Harry Potter fan fiction, but still pretty much awful.

The Day of Children

A/N: The following story is a sequel to
“Forbidden Passions of Rory”

You should be able to understand this story without reading that one, but for the full character arcs and to get all the references you should read both.
Our story starts in Tardis, a normal town where nothing much happens….
The redhead felt really depressed one day. She had just found out that she was adopted. Her real parents turned out to be nobles from Europe. They had a upper class tower and were mighty rich! But she had none of that richness around. It made her feel pretty bad about herself so she listened to some good music.

But long she did not have to be depressed as The Doctor came in and kissed her (they had fallen in love at the end of the story see). And he said: “I love you so much, it hurts. What is wrong with you? If you feel bad then I feel bad.”

So the redhead told him the whole story. He was shocked to hear this and said “I’m really shocked to hear this! Your parents are monsters!”

“Which ones?”

“All four of them, I don’t like them. As much as I don’t like Rose!”

And that was a lot because Amy Pond knew that The Doctor hated Tyler because she was unbelievably stupid and fat.

But The Doctor took out a letter, “this had just arrived,” said the madman.

Amy Pond opened the envelope and inside was an invitation:

“Most Esteemed the redhead said the message”

“You are cordially invited to the royal ball of your parents. Your real parents, miss.”

“We hope to see you soon. Most esteemly yours, dutchess!”

Oh my, said Amy this is rad!. But The Doctor was a little sceptic: “Maybe it’s a trick.”

“Why?” said Amy

“Because there are…. rumours. Of the evil Timelord still being around!”

“Surely he could not come all the way to Europe!?” said Amy confidently because she didn’t think that the master could travel that far.

“Hurm,” said The Doctor contagiously, “we just have to be careful.”

“Hold on,” exlciamed Amy, there is something else in the invitation!

“Princess Amy, hereby we also bestow upon you the keys to the cage of a flying unicorn your parents have provided you with. Also, whenever you hold this key in your hand, your powers are increased”

Amy was really happy with that but also felt a little bad for The Doctor. After they had a relaction ship, The Doctor had taught her his TimeTravel and she picked it up really well! She was now even better at The Doctor at the TimeTravel!

So they went and picked up the flying unicorn. It was really quick and agile and flew around them like it really enjoyed itself! It took a moment but with enough training and perversion, the redhead trained it to her will! Now they could go and visit their parents!

But little did they know that the invitation was not from Amy’s European noble parents, but from the blonde instead! And she had teamed up with the master!


Suddenly the Tardis went broke!…
..But he used his own energy to fix it.

A/N I got bored with the story and started messing around with some maps on Minecraft instead of writing but then I read this really cool story about putting the characters in high school! It will be full of love and family issues and other cool stuff@

the master is like the school bully but everyone likes Him. And The Doctor is like the loaner who just does snakeboard tricks on his own because no one likes him. It’s really unfair to The Doctor because he is really cool actually but no one at the school knows about his superpowers.

The Doctor was in class. He was paying well attention because the Timelord wanted to go to the best universities. But like always, annoying the master was being an meany as always. He was annoying other people in class and the teacher but his rep protected him. Until The Doctor could take it no more.

The enigmatic man stood up and said: “Look, that you want to spend the rest of ur life in a call center aint my problem!”

the other Gallifreyan stopped and looked at hero with fury. Others in the class gasped. No one said that to the other Gallifreyan (althoguh everyone ws secrfetly thinking that).
The master laughed and got up from his seat and grinned masly. “What do you want,pointdexter? are u here to tell me what to do, huh?”

the madman in a blue box gulped. He had not thought of what to do next now.
But then Amy and Rory rose from their seats too. The madman looked at them. they nodded back at him and with their arms crossed they looked like they could take the other Gallifreyan on!

And when The Doctor looked on his right, he saw that the teacher had hid himself behind the desk. Even the teacher thought it was suicide to confront the other Gallifreyan like this!

So the master rose up and walked to the madman and he said: “I will see you after school. In my turf. U know where to find it!”

“I’ll be there, said the last Gallifreyan certain of himself!

And the evil Timelord left, leaving behind a trail of cold and shivers went down The Doctor’s spine. This wasn’t going to end well.

The Doctor followed the screaming till he reached his brother, who was being tortured.

“The Doctor! Over here! quick! help me! It hurts”

Then The Doctor saw the final boss, who had been torturing his brother.

The Timelord shot bullets from his phaser really fast and the bullets went WAM! and hit the master in the eyes and then he couldn’t see.

The Doctor said “Eat This!” and punched the other Gallifreyan in the eye and the the other Gallifreyan went to his knees.

The last Gallifreyan said “He is dead now, you is safe”

“Thank you!”

“Glad I could help, brother”

“But you should come earlier next time!” and they laughed.

Extremely Bad Harry Potter Fan Fiction

Fresh off the heels of my discovery of some positively horrible Lord of the Rings fan fiction, I now present you with some incredibly terrible Harry Potter fan fiction. I’m really having trouble figuring out which is worse.

Maybe I’m just feeling a bit moody today, but then again maybe it’s because I spent over three hours reading fan fiction and now I think I’ve lost a solid 10 IQ points. I need to pour over the New York Times to try and get it all back.

BTW, do you know that the fan fiction site I linked to above has over 755 thousand submissions on Harry Potter alone?!?

Harry Potter and the Bathroom of Secrets

(author’s name withheld)

My name is the Gryffindor.

From the moment I was born, I remembered I was trained as an assassin.

It was tough, but my master was a stern but just master.

Still, sometimes I would lay awake in bed and hope that one day, I would find my parents and that we could be a family together again. My master told me that if I survive my first mission, he would help me find my parents.

And so I did my first mission (it was easily, it only required me to kill a family of two with a carbomb). And so my master tried to find my parents. But they were already dead.

I realized I was all alone in the world.

I was all alone now, I thought back to happier times…

‘”wait a minute…is that the new forign exchange student?”‘

‘”Whoa…shes pretty isnt she!” said harry’

‘”..and thats one short skirt!”‘

‘”Heya Harry!”‘

…but it didn’t change the fact I was now alone. All alone.
All alone except me and my master.

My master’s organisation was employed by an illustrious person: he-who-must-not-be-named(voldemort). And one day I came back from school.

I came into the assassin’s hanger

“Master,” I said, “I’m sooo tired of having to go to school. Everyone’s a poser there.”

“Hush, little child,” he said, “I have a new mission for you!”

“Oooh great!” I said with joy, “I’ll get right on it!”

“It is very simple,” the master said as he showed me the map of the iggloo I had to infiltrate.

“First, you need to say a passphrase to a guard there. When he says Exodus, you say Long In The Tooth.”

“Alright I can do that,” I said as I wrote it down.

“And then you need to sneak through the hallways, into the kitchen where a maid has prepared a poisonous Vodka.

“Right, easy,” I said.

“And then you need to give it to the President, and then it will kill him.”

“The President?! I said surprised.

“Yes, we are contracted to kill the President.”

“But President Hermione is a great president!”

“Hush little boy. You have been trained as an assassin to kill people. This must be done.”

“Ok Master,” I said in great turmoil. Because the Master didnt know that… in fact…. I was in love with the witch

I had been to President many times before. Occasionally, on dark evenings when I’m laying alone in bed feeling abandoned by the harsh world, I put on my assassin’s gear and go outside.

Then I visit the President’s palace. I sneak past the guards and I set myself atop a tree branch just before the President’s room and I watch President Hermione sleep.

She looked to peaceful when they were sleeping. As if there was no horror in the world.
As if assassins like me did not exist.

But we do. I feel bad for being the way I am, but I can’t help it.

I was bron an assassin. My parents are dead. There is no love for me in this world.

And now I had to kill the one person that I loved in this world. “Life is unfair,” I sat to myself. And thus I must fulfill my obligation as an assassin.

So I sneaked in and did what the Master told me to do. It was easy.

But when I came to the room with the President, I hesitated. I could not put the poisonous white spirit down. The smartest witch of her year was just too dear to me! I loved the brown eyed girl.

But that moment of doubt became my downfall. As the President turned around and looked me right in the eyes.

Harry?, Hermione said.

My breath stopped, my heart was about to explode and my eyes welled up.

“It’s not what you think!” I said.

But of course it was what Hermione Granger thought. I was an assassin. I had to accept it.

“Oh my god, Harry, not you!” Hermione Granger cried out. Taers welled up in her eyes and soon they came flooding down her cheek.

“Nooooo,” the President said, “I LOVED YOU!” (A/N ZOMG *swoon* Amirite?!)

“I LOVE YOU TOO,” I cried out while I threw the poisonous gin & tonic on the floor.

“LET’S BE TOGETHER FOR ALWAYS.”

“OK!”

“It is Voldemort who is behind this assassination!

And so the President told the army to arrest the evil man.

“I love you so much,” said President Hermione.

“I love you too.” I said.